We're battling with a teen who gets sooooo homesick and anxious. He never wants to sleep anywhere or go far from home. This is not a bad thing, just hard to help him through it! But I was the same when I was his age. I was terrible. No sleepovers for me either. The parents …
We’re battling with a teen who gets sooooo homesick and anxious. He never wants to sleep anywhere or go far from home. This is not a bad thing, just hard to help him through it! But I was the same when I was his age. I was terrible. No sleepovers for me either. The parents would be calling my Mum to come and get me.
When I was 15 my Mum and Dad said I had to sit some exams to see if I could win a scholarship to boarding school in Bathurst. I did do that, and I won the scholarship, so when I had just turned 16 they shipped me off (6 hours away from where Mum and Dad were). I wanted to go, I remember that, but I was awfully homesick. I cried every day for the first 3 terms. I hated my Mum and I desperately wanted to go home. It didn’t help that I’d left a boyfriend behind and I wanted to go back. I pined and cried and sobbed in bed every single night. It was torture.
Then around term 4, I started to settle down in to the boarding school routine and had some lovely friends (and I was keen on a new boy!). The next 18 months were enjoyable and in hindsight I left that school loving every thing about it. I moved straight from school to University in Canberra and lived with one of my boarding school friends (we still text all the time). So I’ve been away from my Mum and Dad and never lived in the same town/house as them since I was 16.
But I will never forget that homesick and anxious feeling. When you just need to get yourself out of wherever you are, and back to your own house/routine. It happened to me a few times when I was on The Block. I got terribly homesick there too. But I know, as an adult, you can push through it and everything will end up ok.
My big boy is also the same. He will be 14 soon and he hates being away from home. He’ll avoid a sleepover and hates school excursions. There is only one house he will stay at and that’s his cousins.
A few months ago he had to stay with an AFL team for a rep carnival for 4 nights. It was the most horrendous experience of our lives and the poor kid is still really struggling emotionally from events (let’s just say – kids can be cruel) that happened on that trip. I’m still struggling to get my head around it too. So since then, I feel like my big boy has gone backwards a bit, and his homesickness/anxiousness is worse than ever.
Two nights ago I had to go and pick him up from a party/sleepover. He was texting me and ringing me to come and get him. He was a little nervous heading there in the first place, but it was with his good mates and he seemed not too bad when we were driving there. Come nightfall different story!
I got a bit angry because I wondered if he was just being silly, but then when I saw his little face I just knew he wasn’t ok. We drove home in the dark and he said he just doesn’t feel well when it gets to the night time and he’d rather be with me. I joked and said he’ll live with me until he’s 30! I was telling my Mum about it last night, and she said I need to lap it up because in 12 months he’ll be turning 15 and probably have a girlfriend and I’ll be 2nd best. True!
He’s not embarrassed about it either. He doesn’t seem to care too much. He is a sensitive kid and tells me everything, but he isn’t a sook. So he said if anyone says anything about him not being able to do the sleepover he’ll “knock their head off!” I burst out laughing. Ok, Mr Tough Guy.
I’ve told him it doesn’t matter if you’d rather be at home. If that’s your weakness, then that’s a pretty ok weakness to have. He’s a good kid. I just hope he’s still not living with me when he’s a full grown adult 😉
Did you get homesick when you were a kid? Or do your own kids get homesick?
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Comments
Keti Hatzipashalis
His sensitivity is his strength. I wouldn’t worry as I have a feeling he will turn out to be a loving and caring person. All power to him! What a great kid.
Katrina
Thank you – I do think that too. X
Kellie Daws
I have the exact same problem with my 14yo daughter. She us frightened to go to sleepovers & school camps. For the last couple of months she has been crying in bed & she wouldn’t tell me why. She has finally told me that it’s because she doesn’t want to go on her year 9 camp. That’s not until term 1 next year & yet she’s already having major anxiety about it & refusing to go. I don’t know how I’m going to get her to go.
Katrina
Oh it’s so hard! You need them to go, but at the same time you’d be happy to say don’t worry about going. It’s hard!! Good luck. X
Marita Brown
This was my son 2 years ago, his anxiety was crippling 🙁 but now, WOW, just try and keep him home, he has spent the last 2 nights at a mates house which has been the norm for most of this year. If we don’t have his friends here, he is over at their house. The turnaround was amazing, it just took time xx
Katrina
That’s what I think too – it just takes time – some longer than others smile emoticon So glad to hear your son is steaming along now!
Leanne Middleton
Thank you for sharing, sounds very similar to my 10 year old.
Nat
That is really sweet… Yep I’d be relishing in his need for mum for as long as you can!
I remember having my very first sleep over at my best friends house. She shared a room with her older sister who scared the bejesus out of us with ghost stories… I was so scared and upset her mum had to call my mum as I wanted to go home. As they lived on a property which was hard to find in the dark, her poor mum ended up driving me home at about 10.00 that night! I still remember it lol!
debs
Anxiety is crippling, my 19 yr old daughter has it and it’s limited her young life. She only became anxious when she moved school (11 yrs old) but it’s been a tough road for her. She’s 8 months pregnant now and determined to get help for the baby’s sake, I’d suggest to not take it for granted that your son will grow out of it, but have a back up plan if he shows no signs of improving x
Elements at Home
Anxiety is rife in our family and I could see the signs with my 7 year old. I took him to the paed as its manifested into not sleeping at grandparents houses or talking about news events (like tsunamis) with him crying at night thinking about them. I don’t let him watch the news but he is bright enough to see it in a book of facts and asks questions. We have an app called smiling mind for those “can’t sleep” moments and the paed suggested a few sessions with a paediatric physchologist….scary to submit to but as my doc said I would kick my self later if it continued to get worse and I could of helped him….. I wonder if it’s just being a boy or if they/we need some new tools to cope with today’s stresses. I believe anxiety in our kids is so very common and only getting worse. Also check out Hey Sigmund on F/B there are some great articles. I think my boy will be home with us until 30 too. XK
Clare Berthon
???????? you’re such a great Mumma xxx
Katrina
Haha! Oh some days I doubt that. Glad you got a quiet coffee this morn.
Lexi K
You’re such an awesome mum Katrina, I love that your boys know you’ve got their back, no matter the situation. Kids – there’s never a dull moment or a road without bumps on it! xx
Joanne
I really hope he is able to move through this stage quickly. Anxiety is awful – even now, I still find it difficult to go places alone (even the supermarket).
The best thing is that he is able to talk to you about it – this will help him so much. Keep the communication open and doing what you’re doing. He is very lucky to have you by his side. Not everyone is lucky to have that (I speak from experience). The worse thing you can do is ignore it and pretend like it won’t go away. Otherwise, next thing, you’ll be 31 and too scared to go anywhere!
Carolyn
I hated sleepovers and camps too. I would be so anxious about going away. As an adult I can see that it wasn’t so much about being away from my family but about not being able to have my own space. I couldn’t deal with the constant company around me. So, yes, daytime was fine but by night time I wanted space and sleep. I didn’t want to stay up chatting and laughing. Maybe your boy is like this too? I know noth of my kids were. I remember having to collect my girl from a slumber party because she couldn’t handle the into the night hi jinx the other girls wanted to partake in. And maybe this is why when your boy us staying with his cousin he’s okay. Perhaps he feels they understand him? I’d ask him what he it is he doesn’t like about being away. If he can articulate what it is then you can explain to those who are hosting him what might make it easier for him – could he be in a room with fewer people, have some time away from group activities, etc
Melinda Drummond
Thanks for sharing Katrina! He sounds like a great little fella that will can actually articulate how he feels. That communication is so important and it’s great that you’re his safe place
Kate
I was exactly the same as a kid and can remember friend’s parents brinking me home or Mum picking me up until I was 13 or 14. And I was miserable and anxious to the point of vomiting the whole week when I went on a school camp at 12 …
My eldest is the same. He is only 10 so it isnt an issue yet, he has slept at one friend’s once. Last month he went to a camp out at a friend’s place around the corner and the Dad walked him back at 8.30 haha He reckons he will just say “I’m not allowed at sleepovers” if he gets asked again lol He did a “Sleep rough for charity” night at his school a couple of months ago tho … He was extremely close with his teacher and it was only 6pm – 7am, so that helped 🙂
Kate
*Bringing lol
Christine Taylor
Children can be very cruel and they don’t realise their words and actions can have a long term effect on children. My child suffers terribly from anxiety….but he is still under 9..I can’t even imagine him staying away from us overnight – ever!! We don’t joke or make fun of him ever…and it is hard for people whose children don’t struggle with anxiety to understand. I hope your son overcomes this phase so he can go on to continue to enjoy experiences away from home 🙂
Belinda Cunneen
I feel your pain. Whilst my eldest is happy to go for sleep overs at his mates places, the minute school holidays comes & he has to go 1.5hrs away & stay at his grandparents for a week it’s a different story. His grand parents are wonderful people & they do everything for him, they have a pool & there is lots of fun to be had. It just seems it’s the length of time. The minute I go to say goodbye to him he is in tears & then of course I am too. I can’t even ring him while he is there because he ends up crying when he gets off the phone. It breaks my heart. He says he misses me too much & this breaks my heart again. But at the tender age of 9, I am pretty sure he too will grow out of it pretty soon.
Tracey
I went off to boarding school at 15 and can remember begging my mum in tears the night before leaving to let me stay home and quietly cried myself to sleep for a few weeks, but ultimately it was a wonderful experience for me and forged an early independence. Unfortunately we lost out darling mum when I was 17 and as the eldest of 4 , that independence helped me to get on with running the household for my dad until l left home at 18 to study. I can remember one of my sisters calling our parents in Gippslandin Vic, from Cooma on a year 6 camp to Canberra. She was desperately homesick and dad got in the car at 4 am and drove up to collect her. She is now fiercely independent and even lived overseas for 10 years.
My eldest has always been pretty self sufficient but my youngest was terribly anxious and preferred to be with me, but since puberty kicked in he has become much more settled and confident – 14 (going on 21) and wanting to be out with mates all the time. Thankfully he still loves to come home and cuddle his mum.
Janice
I went to Boarding School at age 11 having never been away from mum and dad ever, and cried for 5 years. Then on to Business College and work and then marriage. Never returned to my home again which was 1200 miles away! I hated school camps, or girls weekend away and still don’t enjoy it at 62!! Very traumatic time for me.
Maree Burden
Great post. Trials are part of life. I think that naming the problem, and confronting it, is part of the journey to overcome anxiety. Easier said than done. Thanks for sharing. Again!