I have 3 school aged boys and I know the day will come soon when the eldest will start pestering me for an email account and facebook. Luckily, I haven't had to deal with any of that yet. It frightens me though. It's probably something I can't control. I can lay down all the ground …
I have 3 school aged boys and I know the day will come soon when the eldest will start pestering me for an email account and facebook.
Luckily, I haven’t had to deal with any of that yet. It frightens me though. It’s probably something I can’t control. I can lay down all the ground rules, monitor their usage, and do everything within my power to make sure they stay safe. But at the end of the day, social media is a powerful weapon and can turn on you in a second.
Social media is becoming more augmentative and opinionated. No longer is it just a means for fun, networking and reading. People have strong opinions and people are far too brave for my liking.
I’ve had a few instances lately where I am tweeting away (I thought I was tweeting fun, flippant and mindless stuff), but have been sent back tweets from people I don’t know arguing with me. I never respond. I’m not here to argue. That’s my motto.
So I’ve had some preliminary talks with my boys about the internet. I’ve been doing these talks for about 12 months. I’ve been mentioning a few instances where I’ve had a rough run and explaining to them how I felt and what effect it has on me. Basically I want them to know that they are never ever to say unkind things, argue or abuse anyone from behind a computer screen.
I want them to know that working on the internet is not always a happy place. I want them to know what it means to me when someone says something to hurt my feelings. I want them to see that just because you’re not face to face saying awful things to them, doesn’t excuse it or soften the blow if you say it from behind a computer screen. In our house, the same rules apply in the school playground as they will on the internet.
My boys know all about what I do on here everyday. They know I blog and design blogs. They know twitter is my networking source and is how I get to meet more people. They know I’m not always happy about it too. My husband reads everything. I share it with him. I tell him all about my ups and downs. My Mum and Dad read my blog. It’s not a place I come to argue or be opinionated. My parents always taught me to play nice in real life, so I’m doing that here too. Imagine if they sat down to read my twitter and saw I was abusing someone. Horrified.
For now, I am encourging my kids to be outside kids, like we used to be when we were growing up. I want them to be confident, hard working and realise nothing comes for free. Life has choices and the motivation to make things happen comes from within. No one will give you a free ride.
My husband and I spend most Friday nights pumping our boys up about their footy games on Saturday morning. It’s become a bit of fun. We laugh, talk tactics and really motivate them. I just want to see them try hard at everything. I don’t want them to be the best at it, just be committed and motivated. I don’t want my boys to be lazy and whingers.
Here they are playing their favourite sport. I love watching them shine. I stand on the sideline giving them encouragement, cheering for them, motivating them…
I just want them to know life can be tough, but so very rewarding. Be nice, work hard and be motivated. I want them to carry these manifestos through life.
Like real life, social media can be cruel, but let’s not allow the online world to have 1 set of rules and real life another. Teach good principles now and pray to god your kids carry that with them through life.
The use of social media is just around the corner for these boys… and it scares the crap out of me!
What do your kids know about your social media use and experiences?
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Comments
Scandi Coast Home
Yep……scary stuff!
My two are 11 & 9 so not far off either.
A lot of kids are already on Facebook etc already……Whoa!
I agree with what you said about playing nice……it’s my motto too.
Why would anyone want to be anything else?
I’m trying to teach my kids to hold their own and be thick skinned when others are unkind and to stand up for others when they can’t stand up for themselves.
I read something great the other day……
“spend twice as much time with your kids and half as much money”
Tania xx
PS. The internet can be fun……my kids think we’re besties! hehehe
Have a great day!
Katrina
That is one of the best sayings I’ve heard… “spend twice as much time with your kids and half as much money”. I’m going to copy that on to my FB page. Thank you!
Karen
Such a timely post for me and my family!
My eldest is 10 and, like you, we’ve been having the chat about social media for a while now. Trying to prepare her for the inevitable.
But a couple of weeks ago I had an epiphany. Instead of fretting about how the kids would engage in social media, and instead of me nervously putting them at the mercy of Zuckerberg, I created my own space for them.
I started a family blog with the express intention of getting the kids online – to learn both courage and common sense in owning what they put out there.
So far (two weeks in!) it’s been great. The kids are excited about contributing, they’ve had very positive feedback on the blog and thru my Twitter, and they’re learning that if you wouldn’t say it at assembly, don’t say it on the internet! I’m hoping this provides a solid basis for them when they eventually create their own page on FB/Twitter/whatever-comes-next.
This is the page on my blog that explains further about what I’m doing. http://tinytrifles.blogspot.com.au/p/about-kids.html I know your circumstances are very different to mine, and your profile means you have to be much more cautious. But in any case, I hope it’s helpful!
Good
Katrina
Such a good idea. I’m going to pop over and have a look. Thanks for sharing. x
Dan
I’ve never read your blog before, I linked from The Block page. Fantastic post and some great advice. THANKS!
Katrina
Thanks Dan!
Alexandria Emporium
My elder one (10) has his little hands into social media on his laptop at every opportunity due to the books he reads (paper books!)the school assignments and research projects he does at the International Bacculaureate (IB) school he attends (they all have laptops at school) his interests in music, the Marvel characters (the Avengers, Thor, Captain America etc), Club Penguin (gorgeous) and The Annoying Orange (not so gorgeous!). I let him communicate with relatives and friends etc through my Facebook page only, he does not have his own Facebook, as apparently someone told me kids under 13 aren’t allowed to have a Facebook page, is this true? Is it just in Victoria? Secondly, he emails through his own email address but I have the email account on my Iphone and monitor it all the time and he usually uses my iphone to email anyway. I have copped alot of heat from other parents about all of this but I think it’s a positive thing that he can write and type so well already and write stories and letters. Computers and IT are the future no matter what people say so I supervise it all and I block stuff and change stuff all the time for him. We always have all the laptops and computers in the living room and in the kitchen, they are never allowed in the bedrooms, we always see what he is looking at and what he is logged onto. He’s a bit scared of social media though as he has been taught at school extensively (love our school!) about the “dangers of strangers” in online environments. He is always very careful and asks me to check stuff all the time. My other son has no interest in social media whatsoever and is the more sporty/outside one and that is fine by me too. I don’t think there is a “correct” age to allow/let kids into social media, I think that depends on the child and when they get really interested. Kids and social media do concern me but the whole world is scary for our kids in one way or another if you think about it. There is no such thing as a risk-free environment in life. I believe we need to teach our kids good skills and strategies and resilience to live in the real world and that includes the cyber-world too. I had a very protected childhood so I know from experience of the steep learning curve when one tries to live in the real world as a young adult after always being totally kept from it. We try to stay positive about it all and seek guidance from our extensive pro-active school programs, and Michael Grose (parenting educator) web-posts etc.
I agree that there are alot of people becoming argumentative and abusive online. I don’t know when this seemed to become socially acceptable but it certainly highlights the ugliness of human nature. During the past week I have seen two such occurrences and in each instance I am amazed and astonished at the ugliness I have witnessed. I know alot of people who would like to start their own little blogs but they are too afraid to do so after witnessing these events during the past two weeks. Who could blame them? love and light. Mxxx
Katrina
Thanks lovely for commenting. I love to hear people’s ideas on how they deal with it. X
Karen
In answer to your question about FB – it’s a condition imposed by FB that you must be 13 to open an account.
Michelle Hayward
Our computer is in the dining room where the whole world can see what the kids are up to! Mine LOVE to ‘dob’ on each other for the want of a much better word…I’ve had no sleep, forgive my bad grammar or if this all comes out wrong (sick baby, tired mamma)…anyway…if one says or does something I am either told verbally (if I happen to miss it) OR I get an email with a cut and paste. I have to laugh sometimes. My crew KNOW there is to be NO cyber bullying, there is ZERO tolerance.
Recently my daughter was bullied. I was so close to saying something to that child. I decided it didn’t merit a comment. We deleted and blocked her and left it at that. As we have family interstate and overseas we all use social media a lot to interact with those we miss, or would never see again (or haven’t met yet), we are fortunate to have friends that share a fourth generation connection (it started with our grandmothers now its our daughters!)
I am to the point where I don’t respond to bad attitude. I block, delete and move on! Having said that, a week or so ago I did have to address ONE issue, it was personal and it was (in the end) someone I knew, so I felt I had the right to sort that out. Other wise, I could care less and I move forward. I don’t let them influence my day. I’ve learnt to shield myself a lot from the crap that is social media because I’ve had some really horrible things said to me over time (for a time I had a stalker! that was … ummm…concerning). Now I am stronger and I don’t let people influence what I am doing…when they are brave enough to make a positive difference then they can comment.
I just do what I do…and educate the kids. They have to run it past me before they add someone on FB. FRIENDS ONLY! They don’t use Twitter (although they do have twitter accounts – the much older ones) and they do Blog A BIT. My 9 year old even creates web sites and he’s very web savvy! It definitely is about educating them! And keeping an EYE on everything! I also have friends who message me if they see a concerning post or if there’s an interaction they are worried about (the kids not getting along or something), and we address it together. We stand united as parents, and we talk our kids through it, and put the fire out!
I am adamant they don’t talk to randoms! Having the Morcombe’s at our school shed more light on this the other day too! It was so worth going to the school to hear them speak, they’re truly amazing!
Things in social media can be done nicely! We may not agree with someone’s point of view but why slam them for it. If we were all standing in a group chatting and someone said ‘Oh I just loved that book blah blah blah…’ and you disagreed you wouldn’t rant and rave at their face about it, so why do it behind a keyboard. I just don’t get it! It costs nothing to just BE NICE! Why must everything be confrontational!?
Katrina
Thanks for sharing. You always have good advice – you’ve been there done that! 🙂
Michelle Hayward
Aw thanks Katrina x I’m glad I can help, and I’m not just rambling rubbish LOL. I looked back at that epic comment and I was exhausted. I thought ‘Geez, who is going to read all of that!’ ha ha!
Kek
Social media kind of crept up on us when my kids were young – the eldest was on My Space whilst I was posting away in various forums, and I didn’t give it much thought. Nastiness was rarely encountered and cyber-bullying hadn’t been heard of.
The school organised email accounts for them, I seem to recall… policies about online access and behaviour were a bit thin on the ground, but started to evolve as they moved through high school.
Now I keep track of where my 24YO is and what he’s up to on Facebook, and I’m friends with a lot of his friends too – which is both hilarious and confronting. Sometimes I wish I could UN-see some of the things they post. O_o
Last year, my youngest’s girlfriend popped up among my Twitter followers – Apparently she thinks I’m funny. LOL
I trust my 16YO to be sensible and well-behaved online, but I’ve been thinking lately that I should have a chat with him about exactly what you’ve brought up – being NICE. Not that I fear he isn’t, but kids do tend to say things without thinking, don’t they? I remember my teenage years…
jodi
My (almost) 10 year old is dying to get facebook, email the whole lot its a little scary & seems to be getting harder to explain why u have to be older ahhh!! get luck!
workingwomenaus
Social media and our digital footprint is something that I think a lot about. Considering the amount of time I spend online (I make my living from it) there’s no doubt my kids will soon do the same. I’m amazed by how many parents just have a blanket ban on SM for teens – I don’t agree with that as a strategy. In our house we’ll follow the guidelines (13yo for FB) but we also have open communication about it. I talk to my daughter about what goes on and what is/isn’t acceptable. I really believe education and open communication are key to creating good ground rules.
Something Gorgeous
My kids are teenagers and they have FB, I find one of the best things to do is to be ‘friends’ with them on FB. Also talk with them about everything, you can’t stop them using social media and why would you want to? So be prepared and open. xT
Bec
Out 10 year old is also dying to have a Facebook page and for months I kept telling her she has to be 13 (as per fb rules). I really don’t think she believed me as a few people in her class had one, until the police came for a school talk and they touched on Internet ‘stranger danger’ and cyber bullying. She came home and told her about it (I could help but say ‘I told you so’), but last month her 2 younger cousins got pages. As a teacher I won’t ‘friend’ them, but also know the impact fb can have on kids lives. With a 2 month old I spend enough time on the Internet a day for the two of us, but have also watched closely the horrible discussions of the past few weeks in politics and Chrissie Swan and have been really upset by what has been said.
All of this has only made me more determined to protect her for the happening online. While I agree that the computer in the main area of the house is important unfortunately there are so many other ways for us to access social networks now so they we never really get away from them.
Thanks for your blog, it’s reminded me to keep talking to her about it in preparation for the inevitable day she turns 13 and the first thing she wants is a fb page.
Heather
My eldest is 5 so it is not something I have to think greatly about at this point, but I do. It worries me, bullying was hard to control when I was at school. Mobiles first came out when I was in college and bullying became so immediate with the ability to text people and access them wherever. Now the idea that kids can be bullied from so many forms of social media is pretty scary. I just want to teach my kids to ALWAYS take responsibility for what they say or do, the internet can be so faceless which I think is why it gives people the confidence to say pretty horrible things and start up arguments which they may or may not be having otherwise.
So I guess when the time comes we will just saturate them with information and hope for the best!
Pam
My daughter recently turned 13. I have this rule in my house that if there is and age minimum on things like social media, games, websites etc, that is when you are allowed to sign up or play them. These parents who let there kids have accounts early are encouraging there kids to lie, because to get an account you have to lie about there age. One little lie sends the message that its ok to lie at any stage (getting alcohol, nightclubs before 18 etc)
I have FULL acess to my daughters facebook and she can only do so on my computer, i check it every 3rd or so day.
She understands fully about bullying on line and if I see that from anyone inc her, i will drop her account immeadiatley.
So 13 is the age for facebook, any earlier and you have no one else to blame for there lies in the future, tough to swallow for many parents!! 🙂
Emily
Wow, you’re such a great Mum. It’s fantastic how you have thought about all this and that you are so open with your boys and are already trying to prepare them for the big wide world on the internet. My daughter is 9 and I must admit I haven’t given it much thought yet. Your post is food for thought and I will take your advice on board and try to determine my own ways of introducing the warnings of social media. Thanks for the great advice!
Cathy
I think it’s great that your teaching your boys right and wrong at this early stage – and doing it using your experiences as examples, is probably more powerful than any other way! It’s sad that so much online bullying is done by adults who should no better! You have to wonder what they were taught growing up…
Claudia
Last weekend my daughter demanded me to give her access to FB. She told me that she is ready to give up the ‘childish’ cartoons!
le_third
hello K – the longer we can preserve ‘childhood’ the better – so to me that means no social media at all for some time to come (7 and 9) and no mobile phones and no violent shows and no outings to inappropriate places and no sleep overs outside of the family for now etc etc … have a big list 🙂 Once we loose that innocence there is no going back 🙂 you are doing an amazing job with the boys … you know I would not even let the kids watch the block any more … I don’t want to have to explain to the boys what dani means when she says ‘bring it on moles’ … I mean really – I’m off topic now so I’d best go 🙂 le xox
Sean Nicholson
Great post! As a parent who also is a social media professional, I’m sensitive to what my kids are seeing when they turn on their computers and who/what content they might be engaging with. It’s a digital world out there and we parents have to start incorporating social media into “the talk” about sex, drugs and alcohol.
Cheers!
–Sean
Leigh
Katrina, its a hideous thing for us parents to deal with!!! Our eldest has just joined fb and we have laid down the rules. He is also our fb friend so we monitor what he does. I think time limits are essential, his messages go on and on into the night. Some kids just dont seem to sleep! I make sure he knows that once its out there, its final and that he is not to be nasty or rude. Ultimately, if he wants to do something without us knowing, its possible but we trust him and hope that he is behaving himself…. Its scary but I guess its kind of normal to them and all we can do is teach them the proper ins and outs and hope like hell that they do right! xx